Mommy Musings | Cracked Up

Millions of women have done it before me: raised children, taken care of their husbands, worked the field, and kept a tidy home. The other day I was in the drug store with Jethro and Levi looking for lipstick. For some reason they don't find this activity fun? The boys were fussing and crying and in the midst of the noise I finally said, "Okay everyone, just calm down." I managed to keep a level tone of voice but I was busted. When I went to pay for the lipstick the lady at the cashier said to me, "Don't worry you'll survive. Millions of women have done it before." She then dug through her samples and handed me a face mask with these parting words, "I hope you get fifteen minutes today to lock yourself in the bathroom and try on this mask. It will relax you."

 Sometimes it helps me to know that I'm not alone in the momentous task of raising children. Other times I want to scream, "I know other women have survived, but friggin' fell how!" I feel on the verge of insanity more often then I want to admit. Ben came home yesterday and I disappeared into our room in a flood of tears, because the whole day the kids had been crying, and not it was MY turn. Today Ben gathered them up and brought them to their grandparents to give me a break. I planted our winter garden and turned up the dirt like I was searching for sanity under the surface. I think I found some.

Tomorrow's another day. I'm thankful for my husband who rescued me, my kids who love me and have no idea I'm crazy, and a God who is patient with me as I stumble along in my role as a mother. It's hard to admit that I'm cracked up inside. The other day I told Ben I wanted to pack a suitcase and run away to the end of the block. I remember doing this when I was little and it was the release I needed for the frustration I felt towards life. Since I'm a grown up (or so they tell me), I'm going to pack my metaphorical suitcase of anxieties, fears and failures and leave them at the feet of Jesus.

"Come to me, all of you (that's me) who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." 

-Matt 11:28